Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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