UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
