I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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