but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
