we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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