Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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