I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
