I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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