Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
