this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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