I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
