I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
