So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
