ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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