is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
