Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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