Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
