Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
