Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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