my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
