she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
so much tequila, so little girl.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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