fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
