that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Its about making memories worth repressing
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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