guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Come see our sink grown plant.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
