You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
