i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
