Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
