oh god the rape fog is back!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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