Please, let me fuck your mom
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
