You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
