I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
