Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
