Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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