I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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