i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
