Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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