I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We're too hungover to prance.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
