good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
