I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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