I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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