No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Randomize
