I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
