ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
