i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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