So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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