Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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