your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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