I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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