He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize