Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just want nice things and good sex
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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