You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
