my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
