So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
