john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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