I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
