just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize