If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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