i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
