just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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