Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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