rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
