She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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