Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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